Seeing Thangs
by focusedOnProsperity
Summary: Ever wondered what Rick and Michonne truly thought when they met each other, and later on? Anger might be hiding true wants and desires. This is my first fanfic...looking forward to any constructive criticism A/N: I own nothing affiliated with the Walking Dead, AMC, or Robert Kirkman
1. Chapter 1

A/N: (My 1st Fan fiction Ever) this is a look into what Rick and Michonne might have really been thinking when they met each other. He was definitely not Officer Friendly.

Chapter 1: The Challenge

The moment I met her, I knew I was in trouble. My wife could stand amongst the walkers. She'd show her mesmerizing presence with her flowing white dress. Or, even worse, in wearing the same outfit that she wore when I patted her shoulder instead of showing her love. She maybe knew her time was coming and was scared more of the unknown than the ever present walking dead. Instead of being strong, I pushed her away. I had other thangs to handle.

No. This entity wasn't my torturous regret. Lori did not have dreds, ebony skin, and full lips. Her stare never reached in and looked into my soul. A person who can intimidate you with their all-encompassing eyes without one word spoken could not be real. To top it off, she had formula. The walkers did not even notice -

"Dad!"

Carl broke me out of the trance to make me realize that the walkers were about to attack this person, and yes, we still help people. As I ran with my colt, she hobbled and skillfully slashed a few walkers' heads off. She was injured and was taking off heads. No, she couldn't be real.

I did try to be diplomatic when we first spoke. That diplomacy began with "who are you?" Those eyes pierced through me again. They were her katana and I was another victim. Glen and Maggie were missing. I've lost enough people and didn't need to lose more. There are other thangs I needed to do, besides being interrogated by the interrogated. Her challenge drove me to new depths. My hand dug in her bullet wound to show I could go there with her - I could match that stare. She yelled at me to not touch her again, but I'd go to any lengths to defend my family.

Oscar was dead. Daryl was missing. We got Glenn and Maggie back, but where was that mystery at when we needed her? She just majestically popped up when we already lost some of our own. I could care less about her bleeding forehead or what she was doing. She didn't plea for forgiveness. With those doggone brown eyes she stated, "You need me."

Merle, nobody could stand Merle. Daryl wouldn't be conflicted about that sonnovabitch if they weren't brothers. His words clawed in and twisted any peace you have inside. But those words are usually lined with some truth. When Glen and Michonne went to attack him, I blocked her. And then Merle dropped the bombs: she was cooped up with Andrea (?) and had pet walkers (?!)! Was she a lesbian? Was a lesbian and a dominatrix in the past... Wait... Why did I care?

I wanted to take out some kind of aggression out on her, I can't explain it. Glen and Maggie may have been grateful, but Daryl just left. No matter what, there she still was, this enigma that confused my world. I stared her down and asserted, "We patch you up, and then you are gone!" She needed to go...sending my mad world into further confusion.

Why are moths attracted to flame? I'm not a scientist, but I brought Michonne with my son and me on a trip to gather more ammunition from My town. She demanded that I never touch her. She was deadly with that katana. She never flinched when I stared her down. On that day, she drove the car with my only son in it. I explained to Carl that we had common interests. Sometimes, my elaborate truths slightly cross over to lies.

The room was still when she handed a bullet to me, showing I was in charge. I had to catch myself when she did it. She ate Morgan's food because the mat said "welcome". Her disregard pissed me off, but was cute... When she moved, my eyes followed that...ass. Carl was there. Morgan lost his damn mind. And my eyes were following her every curve. Maybe I lost it too, because I let my son travel off with the mystery. When they came back, he later declared that she was one of us. That's all good, but she dug under my skin, into my soul, and I didn't ask for it.

She did it again, with that angelic face of a killer. "You see things?"

"What?"

"I talk to my dead boyfriend. It happens."

Oh okay, she wasn't gay. Maybe she was bisexual. I didn't know, nor did I care. She did happen to interrupt white gown Lori while she was beckoning me to come to her. I had to rethink thangs a bit.

"You wanna drive?"

"Yea."

"Because I see thangs." When she caught the keys, she gave me the, "things I would do to you look". I had to ignore it; my wife was right there. Truth be told, one thang was standing at attention.

No one ever called me the senator, the mayor, or congressman, because I wasn't a politician. I didn't greet unknown threats with smiles and invited them to drink whiskey, knowing Damn well that they were likely not on my side. This so called "Governor" thought I'd feel something because Michonne stabbed his eye. It really did nothing for me. What got me was to give him her to protect my people. You know what, it was about to happen. One of the best foot soldiers at the prison. That woman who drove me mad with her mystery, who brought a smile to my son's face, was about to be traded off for potential safety. I wrapped a cord around my hand to feel it. Herschel and Daryl couldn't convince me to not do it, but all it took was for Lori to show up, appearing as how I last saw her. She wanted my affection, and I patted the mother of my children and love of my life on the shoulder. Michonne wasn't Lori, but I wanted her.


	2. Chapter 2

**_AN: _**_I'm very happy to see that the first chapter of my first fanfiction has had a good reception thus far. _

**_Siancore:_**_First off, I love the stories you've given us on this website. Secondly, you're right. There are a lot of grammatical errors with the first chapter. Believe it or not, I wrote that on my smart phone while at work (hey, when you want to get a story started, you got to get it started whenever and however). I'll make sure to look over my work before posting from now on, lol._

**_Midnights-AM-Child:_**_When these episodes first aired, I wondered why Rick was so hostile towards Michonne. She didn't really talk and that can always put off others. Still, she helped save his people. I get some of it as, in a world like their's, it would be hard to trust anyone easily. However, I think he wanted to push away the temptation she brought and how mysterious she was. And yea, he probably thought she was gay lol._

**_Guest: _**_Thanks, and I'll make sure to pump out more chapters._

_It's the holiday season. I'll still update this story (and others) as much as possible before the show returns (OMG I can't wake). I hope y'all enjoy and have a great time with loved ones!_

**Chapter 2: Patience**

_When you're "alone", bad memories become the present. Past and future are intertwined. There's no one to remind you of the concept and importance of time. Mike and Terry can't respond to my monologues, but at least they give me what they should have given to the innocence they were supposed to protect. Every day, my emotions melt between anger and nothingness. Maybe the world has truly ended and it's just me. Maybe there's no one left, because I'm not here as I drift with those who have nothing but craving and decay. And now I find her, the blonde one a herd has apparently been wanting to eat._

The change of the world did not have to teach me how to be patient. Old lessons, depending, still helped in survival. It took patience to watch and hope for Andrea to wake the hell up to see that that "Governor" was full of shit. No. Really, I didn't have patience for that. I did practice patience as I stood at that fence, with a bullet in my leg, and amongst the dead. The stench was nothing new. The threat of being eaten alive by what was once the living was not unfamiliar. What I saw on the other side was somewhat inspirational. I held the basket as a bargaining chip, but I didn't expect him. The blue eyes got lost in me as I got lost in him. He looked through me… Time froze for a second, but the dead don't pay attention to the imagination of time. It was all a daze as I did what I normally did to survive, until my back found the ground.

The cowboy and his son did save me, but it wasn't in a damsel in distress type of situation. He may have had some kindness in our first interaction when he laid me down on the concrete floor of the prison, but I did notice how wary he was in saving me. I could not blame him. I did not fall for the Governor's Mayberry scenery, the peacefulness of and ignorance of his townspeople when there was mayhem across their walls. True to form of a prison, there was no welcoming committee. He wanted to know who I was, but that information was never given out easily. I have never been an idiot – it was too suspicious that I was even there with the bounty of the couple who were kidnapped by Merle. Despite there being a kind one-legged man, and anime-eyed teenager, and a baby that the cowboy held, I was not gonna let my guard down.

It wasn't long before his finger dug into my wound. The air was tense ~ he and his redneck wanted me to talk but weren't satisfied with the answers delivered. Any curiosity I had about this place was gone – if he ever put his damn hands on me again, I'd kill him. I think he got the picture, but he didn't have a problem in constantly invading my space with his crazy eyes and colt. At times, I didn't know if I was looking in the mirror.

They got what they needed, I made sure of it. I closed the door and made sure I paid a visitor to a certain Governor. Of course Andrea got in the way of his death. I had been so long without it, but obviously the "D" had won her over. Was I that dead inside that I could not become a fool for it? No, I just wasn't a fool. However, I encountered another one of my many interrogations with the cowboy, piercing into my being again with those damn icy blues and demanding why I didn't stick with the group. They had what I needed. They had true humanity. "You need me," was all I can say.

There should have been a timer for how often the cowboy pointed his gun in my face. This time, it was because of that fiend Merle exposing what he knew of me. The cowboy looked at me as if I was supposed to tell him anything about me the moment we "met" (hi, how are you? I walk with my dead boyfriend and his friend, and also have a vendetta because my best friend is an idiot). Glenn and Maggie seemed to be the only ones who appreciated that I helped, in any kind of way. The cowboy seemed to have other things on his mind ~ it appeared he just lost his brother Daryl to his real brother Merle. He stormed up to me, which had become his norm, and pronounced, "We patch you up, and then you are gone!" For the first time in a long time, I actually shuddered at that thought.

Hershel patched me up nicely. Rick decided that I should take a trip with him and his son back to their old town to get ready for war. Maybe Andrea's visit proved I wasn't some rogue. This trip wasn't just for weapons.

"We have common interests," he informed Carl. Did this mean when the interests were met, he'd decide to send me back out there? How often would he decide what determined my stay?

Rick's old station was wiped clean. He laid out a plan, and waited for me to counter it. I wondered if he was used to people second guessing him, although he used to be a sheriff and was currently a leader. "No, I don't have a problem with that." Really, I didn't have much of a problem with what he did most of the time. I might have not liked how we dealt with each other by then, but I got it – understood why he did what he did. Why he always stared off and seemed "off" in a world turned upside down. Were we crazy, or were we sane because we probably weren't? He thought I looked at Morgan as someone who lost his hold on reality. No, that man was dangerous.

I did become alive a bit that day. Carl reached out to the past so that baby Judith would one day know her mother. To say I was touched would be an understatement. I began to feel a type of love again that I thought died when _he_ died. Carl became a child again for an instant… Whatever happened, I wanted to make sure that this man-child was safe.

…But back to his father. He looked off at a ghost as he often did. It was fortunate that he didn't stroll off into the woods to touch a person who was no longer there. I felt it, that pain, that sadness, the lack of time to mourn and truly say good-bye and apologize to people who were your foundation for living. I get it, and there was nothing wrong with him. "I talk to my dead boyfriend," I let him know. Rick wanted me to reveal everything, but wasn't ready himself.

"You wanna drive?"  
>"Okay."<p>

"Yea, because I see thangs."

The keys twirled in my hand, playing back memories of how men used to stutter in my presence before everything changed. Right, he saw _thangs._

My leg had been patched for a while, and I still was there. Wait, I take that back. Merle did offer me the chance to take out the governor with him and Daryl. I salivated at the thought; maybe should have taken up the offer. That Merle would do whatever it took to do what he had to do, and that entailed kidnapping me as a gift for the Governor. Seeing how we took out walkers, we probably had a chance on destroying everything that was precious to him. That was not happening. Instead, I was stuck in a car with a person I would have never crossed paths with in the past, telling me that I was on the outside just as much as he was. Rick considered sacrificing me for _his_ people. Thinking of things I've done in the past, I did not grow fury in my heart.

My respect for Daryl had grown. We were "cut from the same cloth" when it came to a world such as ours. I knew that when I saw him track his brother in the wilderness, that either one of them or both would not come back. It didn't make sense to plead with him to stop, because Merle was going to handle his own redemption, and Daryl had to be there.

I strolled into the prison yard. His eyes could be felt from the watch tower, so many yards away. Rick's presence was surprising and expected in my cell later that evening. He pinched the brdge of his nose, not staring me down as he often did. He might have played with the thought of sending me off to be raped and tortured in order for everyone to sleep at night. There was no dispute about it, though. _He needed me._


	3. Chapter 3

**_AN: I do not own anything related to or from The Walking Dead or AMC. _**_Thanks again for the reviews! I'm glad to see some people felt the same way I did when I watched the show. While writing this, I try to figure out how crazy I might be for seeing the Richonne possibility, or does it actually exist (then again…it's all just fiction anyway, lol). This chapter is a bit short. Michonne's POV for this may go a bit deeper. Hope you enjoy…_

**Chapter 3: Soldiers**

I don't even recall my footsteps there. My whole being was weak. I was not in charge anymore, but my people looked at me differently. Carl's eyes darted at me, and I knew he thought of me as weak. It wasn't too long ago that he told me to let someone else be in control. Hershel and Daryl already told me of their objections, but I objected to them. What about us? What about her? We didn't know her, but she did so much in so short of a time. My son declared she was one of us. No, Lori was one of us. But there I was, standing in her cell, hoping she wouldn't slice me and/or leave me.

I couldn't tell if her eyes were cutting me, or pitied me. Nothing moved. I could feel my fingers' weakness. Sweat dripped down my forehead and it wasn't hot. I wiped the perspiration, but that didn't force out any words.

The woman just stood in front of me, her eyes cutting through. "Merle said to be ready for what's next," she stated coldly.

I nodded my head in agreement. My eyes shifted from her, to the wall, to the floor, and back to her again. "Right, right. I'll go get some thangs together. I'm gonna have a meeting in the courtyard."

Her eyes never left me. "I'll be out there."

I left her cell with my nerves shaking out of my body. She didn't kill me. I probably wouldn't have reacted the same way if I were her. I was a lucky man, but there were more serious issues. We were about to go to war.

She had told us that we didn't have to fight the enemy, but make the Governor's efforts harder than it needed to be. Carl didn't like the idea of hiding out, but there was only us versus a town. Lori stood by to say hi while on a crosswalk with baby Judith before I talked to Michonne without my tail between my legs. After all of the preparations were made, the warrior waited. I could feel her eyes before I started my way down the stairs.

This time, I was a bit more together when I spoke to her. "I'm sorry for –"

"You did what you had to do," she simply interrupted. "I never got to thank you."

This woman was surprising. "For what?"

"For saving me."

I nearly gave her away, and she thanks me for saving her. I couldn't let her or myself think that was really true. "Well, if you didn't have that baby formula, I wouldn't have."

"You could have taken the formula." Why did she care why I did it? I felt the pressure from her face, that smooth skin, her…

"Well, it must have been something else then." Dammit, I hope she didn't catch me looking at her breast! "It was Carl who made the call. He said you belong here; you're one of us."

She strutted off, and I realized a little more of why I feared her. There wasn't much BS about how much Carl's happiness affected my decisions. I still knew deep down why I wanted her around. She probably knew too.

As usual, I had to catch my breath when she walked away.

This was a battle, not a war. They scampered off way too easily. It was as if they had come to the county fair's funhouse and couldn't take it. Some of us wanted to stay, thinking they'd never come back. That was a foolish concept. Of course Michonne stood with Daryl and me to go finish this. On the way there, we saw what happened to most of our enemies: gunned down by the one they thought protected them.

How evil the Governor could get was shown even more when we found Andrea. She was imprisoned. Beaten. Bitten. She told Michonne and me that she just wanted to make sure no one died. She took a risk in trying to be reasonable with someone who lost reason a long time ago. Was Michonne any different from her just because she didn't see the prison lined with gardens and barbecues? Was I any better, when I was ready to trade her off?

We stood on the outside, Tyrese, Daryl, and myself. Besides a sly smirk and deep glares, this was the most emotion I ever saw from that mysterious Michonne. They both cried together. I thought of my last moment with Shane - the way these two said goodbye was bad but more peaceful.

Then the gun went off.

We returned with who remained from Woodbury. They were a group of people who might have wanted the past so badly that they called the first person they could find a "Governor". Carl shot another kid…I can't lie, I felt lost. Everyone welcomed the newcomers, but my son was pissed. There was no Lori here to help me guide him. I looked up to the pass where she last touched me, where she continued to stare and remind me of how I didn't fix us. She wasn't there. I felt guilty in having some relief from that. _Then I saw Michonne._


	4. Chapter 4

**_AN:_** **_Aurora-of-Aragon, jollybelucky, _**_and __**Siancore**__, thanks for the reviews!_

**Chapter 4: One of Us**

I got why he considered it, but that did not mean that I was not initially a bit perturbed. Images of me being raped and mutilated flooded through my head as I walked to the prison. That would have been me if it happened. Yet, it didn't. Merle felt the urge to do it because he could maybe read Rick almost as much as I could. It was not going to happen. However, he considered doing it.

He was nervous as shit standing in my cell. He squirmed, as he needed to. I let him wrestle with the guilt, just to tell him Merle's message of getting ready for what the Governor had in store for us. He didn't admit to everyone that my ideas of playing cat and mouse with the enemy might work…I sensed he feared me for some reason. I understood that meeting any stranger in our world should have been with apprehension, but his approach to me was filled with anger. He slowly changed since we left his hometown a while back.

I had to put things in perspective; I could have been dead without him. He looked down on me from the top of the stairs before we were fully ready for the battle. I could see how the sun shined on him and enhanced those cerulean eyes of his, and appreciated his bowlegged gait for the first time. He was more composed since earlier that day, and finally apologized for almost trading me off.

Well, if we were being human with each other, I figured why not continue it? "I never got the chance to thank you."

He was taken aback from that. "For what?"

"For saving me."

Yea, he wasn't ready for that. "Well, if you didn't have that baby formula, I wouldn't have."

_Bullshit. _"You could have taken the formula."

"Well, it must have been something else then." Right, because he looked right at my breasts. "Carl made the call. He said you're one of us."

I was somewhat tempted to call him out, but decided to let him off the hook. The man was clearly still grieving over his wife, and I was not exactly ready to open up myself. It was cute, though.

-000000-

Those poor townspeople, they were not ready. As far as I knew, the Governor lost many of the men who could actually fight. It seemed that he had people who thought normal was still normal fight in a brutal war. They ran off scared. Of course. Rick decided that we follow the Governor to put an end to it. Unfortunately, he put an end to his blind army. As I chopped off the heads of these former humans, I recognized their faces from my short time at the town. There was the woman who held her son close when I passed her on the street. There was the middle aged man who wore an apron saying "KISS THE COOK" and hung out by the grill often. Worst of all were the teenagers. Sigh. There was also no use of mourning these people who were now gone. I say that so easily, knowing how much I allowed death to be me.

Karen was the only survivor, and the only one who could really get us into Woodbury. The Governor was MIA, but where was Andrea?

Rick, Daryl, Tyrese, and I found a pool of blood outside of an aluminum door, and already knew what it was. My heart dropped when I saw her laying there, a large chunk of her neck bitten off. Rick and I cried with her as she told us that she was only trying to save lives. I had called her a fool to myself for the past few days, and had a high level of anger directed towards her. That all dissipated in that last moment. There was a time when my list of friends was boundless. I found Andrea when I closed the world off. She gave me hope of being a person again. She once asked me who the dead Mike and Terry were to me. I didn't answer. We ran with each other for all of those months, and I didn't tell her a thing. If I opened up to her that one time before she fully fell for the Governor, when she told me how she knew nothing about me, maybe she wouldn't have such a cruel fate.

Rick let her and I have a last moment with each other. It didn't matter now that I was a lawyer as well. Telling her that now meant nothing, and there was no need to increase our bonds. I lost that chance. She let out one last tear, pointed the gun to her head, and fired.

I lost track of time. The men helped me to my feet after a while. We buried her in the prison yard after welcoming all of the people from Woodbury who wanted to join. People introduced themselves to the prison group. There seemed to be a lack of joy; just overwhelming sadness. Honestly, it was all just a blur.

Rick was looking at that crosswalk again. He didn't seem as lost in his vision as he often did.

"I have to go."

"You don't have to. You know, this is your home too." His eyes wrinkled with some worry.

"Okay, but I have to get him."

He nodded. "Can you go with someone? Can you at least go with Daryl."

I contemplated it. Really, I was ready to go right then and there. "Fine."

I turned to get ready, still feeling his gaze on me.


	5. Chapter 5

**_AN: As always, thanks for the reviews!_**

**Chapter 5: Read between the Lines**

The Governor hadn't been spotted for the past 30 days. The people from Woodbury seem good enough. They weren't the problem, he was. They seemed to be the type who just wanted to go to work each day and pay their bills, while their insane leader just did insane thangs. I didn't mind them at all. We were in an apocalyptic utopia. I was the sheriff who made a safe haven out of a prison while the dead ate the living.

The Committee is effective at what they do. My own issues got in the way of doing what needed to be done. Farming was peaceful. I needed peace. If you think about it, being in charge of the sheriff's office was dangerous enough. I woke from a coma that was a result of a work hazard. As a leader in this new world, I couldn't protect everyone and almost traded one for a false promise. I needed a break, I needed peace. The Committee could handle the tough decisions.

And then she would pop up. Whenever she came, I don't know, a bright day would shine more. To see one of our champions ride in on a horse, her dark skin shining as her hair flopped up and down as the animal galloped…I was lucky to have her as a part of us. At times, I knew I only kissed the horse because embracing her was not a good time yet. Maybe she could read Carl and me too well. She used to only bless us with her smiles when she returned. After a while, she brought gifts. While she hunted a man down, she thought of us (and only us; no one else got anythang).

Michonne handed me the razor, "your face is losing the war."

Cute. How about we get to the point, "you gonna stay a lil while?"

"A little while," she smiled back. I couldn't tell her what to do. Any little bit of her being around was good enough.

A dirty while later, Daryl and some others were on their way out for a run. Michonne decided that she wanted to join them. Like I said before, I couldn't tell her what to do. But she decided to go further with it. She thought she had a new lead on the Governor.

"But you just got here."

"It's just over Macon."

"That place is overrun," Daryl objected.

I couldn't help but to roll me eyes just a bit. Why the hell couldn't she just stick around, for even a short period of time? I helped open the gates, but threw away that razor. Fuck that razor.

&^^%(*

Sacrifice. That seemed to happen quite often. Carl and I had noticed that some of the pigs were becoming sickly. While a cell block became overrun with walkers because of Patrick's death from getting ill, the walkers on the outside were overpowering our fences. I am not the Committee, but I'll do what I have to protect us. The pigs had to go. As I fed each one of them to the dead, hearing their little squeals of horror as I gave them away, I did all that I could to hold in the tears. Was I kidding myself in believing that we could actually have a chance at having a normal life? Judith was still only a baby, and Carl…no matter what, I would always make sure they were taken care of.

&%^&

We held our own. They were like roaches, coming out the most at night. That was my boy, taking them down without hesitation. They flooded most of the fences. It almost seemed impossible to make it out. A walker slumped closer to me as I reloaded – but Carl ended that. That was my boy, handling business. That was my boy… I could not focus on that. Whether I liked it or not, he was made to survive in this place.

*&^^^%$

My knuckles still ached. Tyrese had a pretty tough jaw. I tried to keep it together, tried to allow others to be in control. Still, I was the person who he ultimately came to solve the crime. It was obvious ~ Carol. Daryl was probably going to hate me, but it had to be done. We just could not have someone around who could easily kill others in our group, no matter the reason. Okay, it really boiled down to: I knew she would kill my children if she felt the need. Some might have wanted me to lead, but I don't know if they knew what that meant.

Tyrese, Daryl, Michonne, and Bob made it back from their journey with the medicine. I saw her standing amongst the dead. How in the world could that be a beautiful sight? It actually was.

"Do you need help?"

"No, go ahead and do your thing."

She really would not allow me. I wanted to talk to someone not involved with the impending drama between Tyrese, Daryl, and myself. Maybe, one of her few words of wisdom could help. But I never pressed her, not at all. As much as I did to her, I allowed her to do her own thing. One day she would probably find me and open up more.

&^%%

We had a week of some God-awful events. Many of our people were slowly recovering from being sick. Enough of them already passed away. I had to banish Carol. Some of our defenses were down…and Michonne was right.

She kneeled, side by side with Hershel. The Governor had returned with his sick obsession for revenge. I still sometimes wonder what his revenge about. Pride? Insanity? He did mostly hate me, and Michonne right after. I could picture her dying right then and there – she was the trophy he wanted in the first place. He'd kill Hershel just to rub it in. These thoughts ran through my head, but I mostly knew I had to protect everyone. I had to plead with the devil himself, who might have been a human before. Now, he was just a monster.

If it didn't work with him, it had to work with his people. My voice cracked, "we could all, we could all live together."

Hershel chimed in, "it could work. You know it could."

"It could, but it can't. Not after Woodbury, not after Andrea," he didn't move from his stance on top of his tank.

I tried to explain how this battle would only make the prison harder to live in, but my body felt weak as he jumped from the tank to whip out Michonne's katana and stood by Hershel. It was obvious that works didn't do anything to the Governor, so I tried them.

"We let go of all of it," I explained about Woodbury. "We'll let go of all of it, and you're one of us. We've all done the worst kind of things to stay alive. I know we all can change."

Everything happened so fast. It looked like the Governor whispered something, and he instantly slammed her sword into Hershel's neck. I tried to kill him, but my shot must have missed since we were soon fighting to death. I wanted him to die, but it didn't matter if he did. The prison was gone. My people weren't safe. Hershel was dead. I wasn't the leader, but I let down my people.

The sonnovabitch wrapped his hands around my neck. The heat surged up to my head, my fingertips were numb. Darkness encircled my vision, until a silver light struck through. I felt her hands lift me up from the ground as I tried to grasp for air. She was still alive, but she disappeared as soon as I found my footing. She must have lost some respect for me. This could have been avoided.

I found Carl only to find Judith's empty and bloodied car seat. Death would have been nice, but my son still needed me. There was no utopia. There was no normal way of life. Nowhere was safe.


	6. Chapter 6

**_AN: Nope, Don't own anything from The Walking Dead or AMC_**

**_How long has it been since I wrote this fanfic? This has to be the hardest one to do, because I'm not making up the scenes and doing all that I want with the characters. In this one, I dug a little deeper than usual..._**

**Chapter 6: A Bottomless Floor**

There was probably a small part of me that just wanted to rest. She wanted to just hide in a cell, walk out in the prison yard with the former townspeople of Woodbury, and just inhale the rotten air like as if it was still fresh. She wanted to imagine that everything was as safe as it could be. I let her out only when I thought of Carl and Rick. For some reason, they were the only ones that crossed my mind as I went on hunts for that bastard the Governor. _"Hmmm it looks like someone burned the town down; must have been arson. But, oh I bet Carl would like that X-men issue." "Perhaps someone already cleared this store. Could the Governor kill that many walkers by himself? Hmm a razor. Rick NEEDS a razor!"_

I gotta say, the look on my guys' faces when I brought these gifts were worth it... My guys? They weren't my guys. My guys were...

So I mostly hid away that woman who wanted to be friendly and live in fantasy land. Fuck that. Andrea was still in the ground. What did I look like, just going on with day to day life? If they weren't going to find him, I would. I thought Daryl had the heart to keep it up, but even he got too comfortable.

"You gonna stay a lil while?"Rick has been leaning in more. His scowls were being replaced with smiles, and not smiles of contentment. Ironically, he had been smiling because of my presence. I even started to feel the warmth from his breath.

For him, "a lil while," I confirmed. He seemed to be put at ease.

That wasn't true. Daryl and a posse of Sasha, Zack, Glenn, and some guy named Bob showed up. Seeing them about to handle some kind of business, most than likely a run, reminded me of my primary mission. There was no fan of my plan to go back out there, on my own. Daryl kept looking at Rick (why did he keep doing that). Rick actually rolled his eyes when I tried to assure them that I wasn't going too far. It was just past the Mason Dixon line.

"Might run into some unfriendly types," Daryl tried to remind me. If these people considered themselves to be my friend, then why couldn't they get it through their heads that when my mind is set, that's it?

-000000-

I didn't make it there. I did go on a run with Daryl and the rest (where Zack died...he seemed like a good kid ~ exactly why I didn't want to stick around). The next day, Flame and I rode out until I heard the gunfire. It didn't take a second to think about going back to help. For all I knew it could have been the Governor. It could have been something or someone else. Really, it didn't matter.

Walkers greeted me sooner than I expected when I dismounted Flame. I don't think I'm the best there is, but I could have done better than that - tripping over wire and nearly getting killed. Fortunately, Maggie was there to help save me. I helped save her and there she was, doing the same. I guess that was the nature of our reality.

But her sister did a little more than that. Beth and I didn't speak much, but when I did hear her voice, she always said something poignant. When we met she told me how the few of them cleared the prison. That increased me wanting to be around. Now, even with that baby screaming in my ear, she dug into my soul.

"What do they call parents who lose their children?"

I never planned on dealing with baby Judith...at all. Andrea wasn't the only burden I carried. She was just the latest on top of the pain of those who defined my whole being. What was a mother without a child? Just a living, breathing nothing?

Before I knew it, my tears mixed in with her soft skin. My God, I never knew if I could ever hold one of the most beautiful beings on earth. Her chubbiness, her huge innocent eyes, her youth...it all took me back to what I lost and may never have again. How could I hold this child, when he had to suffer? I was able to live and go on, while he did not even have a chance...

If this place was becoming my home, it was breaking me down.

-0000000-

It wasn't the damn Governor. It wasn't human beings or a herd of walkers. It was what has always plagued human beings and even turned us into monsters. Sickness. Some flu or something was bringing down the prison, bringing us to our knees. I didn't mind enduring Daryl's fleas to chase after anything to help save us. Hershel offered to go, but it was best for him to stay. We wanted him around as long as possible.

Tyrese and Bob tagged along. Tyrese's woman was mysteriously burned, so I've been told. I've seen that rage. I know that rage that he held on to tightly, that almost got him and the rest of us killed when we tried to save him. My attempts to let him know that his actions were stupid almost backfired.

"If you saw the Governor now, what would you do?"

"I'd cut him in two." Truth be told, I'd still cut him even now, even if there was nothing else to cut with. Anger...maybe that has helped me get this far? It also saved me, when I made what Merle called my pets. How hypocritical...But I was getting tired of this.

-0000000-

Speaking of tired, there were parts of me that was still a human, still a human being. It had been too long since I had a scratch itched, if you know what I mean. Daryl and I were nearly road-dogs. We had many excursions but never took up the opportunities. He was not my _type_ type, but he was a man, a very attractive man.

"...it brings out your eyes," I complemented. My smile was shaky. It was weird. Thinking back, at that time, it was probably only Rick and Carl that I smiled at.

Instead of taking the bait, Daryl went on about if I stayed around more, I'd know who else lived in the prison. In other words, I was rejected. That actually stung. Number one: I'm not used to rejection. Number two: he knew what I knew. I was hiding.

-000000-

I once told Andrea that my shit has always been together. Okay, maybe I was lying to myself. Anyway, this Bob character did not have it together. Alcoholism was not an adversity a person would want during the apocalypse, but I did not judge him for it (however, we had to deal with Tyrese's suicidal anger issues on this mission, and now Bob's side mission of getting alcohol at any costs. I also think I heard Daryl mumble something about Zack's death). I closed off people. I ran off from relationships because I was afraid of being hurt. How could I judge him for drinking when death was what we lived and breathed?

Besides, even if I wanted to whoop his ass, Daryl already handled that.

I couldn't sit next to Daryl after seeing him confront Bob the way he did, unless I faced my own music. My actions did not put us in danger, but really I only hurt myself. "I'm staying."

Well, it was clear that he wouldn't be my source of relieving tension. Still, I gained a brother that day.

-0000000-

While dealing with our own problems on the road, it seemed others had invaded the prison. Some fences were down and Carol wad missing. Rick could have told me what was up with that, but I told him to handle whatever else he needed to. I loved his company, but I wanted to enjoy that of other people. If this was my home, they were my family.

I asked Hershel if he wanted to join me while I burned some corpses. His response was "hell yea!" Who could pass that up - an old man who sounded ready to party? I looked forward to some advice, old stories, and basically a good time with him. Nothing ever went the way a person wanted it to. I thought I saw a glimpse of that piece of shit the Governor, but it all went black.

-0000000-

Hershel and the enemy went back and forth. They had a dialogue going on. For all his faith in humankind, he didn't get it. Hershel didn't understand that the Governor was no longer a human but was a psychopath that needed to be put down. The Governor didn't believe me when I told that I was going to kill him. Well, he should have known that I don't play games.

-00000000-

One of the reasons I stuck around the prison was Rick. I can admit that to myself now. Back then, not really. He had a strong passion about him and would fight for those that he let into his heart. That's why he went crazy do often - he was all heart. I needed to be around a person who was a fighter and would not just give up in order for me to not throw in h the towel.

The events of that day almost sent me backwards. His speech to the Governor, add strong as it was, wouldn't stop me from wanting to hide again. That speech didn't prevent and didn't prepare any of us for what was about to happen. I almost wanted that prick to end me, let me have an escape from the pain. Instead, one of the best people I knew, was decapitated with my own katan...

It all was a blur. All I could think of in that moment was survival. I freed myself of the rope that tied my hands and eventually found the person I needed to kill. He was on top of Rick, squeezing the life out of his neck. He had done enough, and I'd be damned if he killed another person who I cared about.

This time, the katana was used right. The sounds of his last few breaths were bittersweet. There was no bringing back Andrea, Hershel, or the place I finally allowed to be my home. It was all gone now, just like that. I helped Rick up, but didn't follow him. I stuck around to, I'm not sure. There were so many walkers and people that I cut into that the purpose was lost. It was just all actions. I was only moving, not thinking about the when or the why anymore.

I didn't follow Rick, no matter how much his mere presence could open me up. I didn't look for Carl, who reminded me of wonders of being young again. No, I didn't look for anyone alive.

Once I came across Hershel, I paid my respects in the best way possible in this world. The katana entered and exited his skull, officially putting him to rest so that his weary body didn't have to haunt the world anymore. There laid what was once a great person, who dared hope when anything worth saving was stomped on the ground.

I was tired.


End file.
